Let Me Go, Gravity
by MedliSage
Summary: After the end of the Game, after watching him meet up with all his friends, Joshua wanted to forget.


After the end of the Game, after watching him meet up with all his friends, Joshua wanted to forget. He didn't ever want to remember the warmth of the fleeting touches of Neku's skin he had gotten during their week together, he didn't want to remember the crystalline blue of his eyes, he didn't to remember the way Neku had said he thought he was his friend, tears in his eyes.

He never wanted to remember any of that.

And so after watching Neku meet up with everyone at Hachiko, and Mr. H had looked up at him and told him he seemed lonely, Joshua vanished. He vanished and reappeared into the Dead God's Pad, as empty and quiet as ever. And he sat on one of the couches, pulled his knees to his chest, and sat there for however long it took for Mr. H to come check on him.

But he soon found it impossible to forget.

It was as if Neku was everywhere. It was as if Neku was everything. Joshua saw Neku when he looked at Hachiko - literally, even, sometimes, because sometimes Neku would just be standing there. And he'd stand there for a while, and nobody would show up, and he would go back home. And the next day he would come back. And the next. Every day, it seemed.

Joshua saw Neku when he looked at the Udagawa mural or any of Mr. H's works. He could see the way Neku's eyes lit up when he talked about them, he could hear the enthusiasm with which Neku spoke of them.

Joshua saw Neku when he saw kids playing Tin Pin, or when he tried to watch Slammurai. He could still hear the excitement Neku had when he laid victory against Joshua, the satisfied, adorable look on his face that had been there when Joshua had done nothing but crossed his arms and pouted in defeat.

Joshua saw Neku when he heard certain songs on the radio at WildKat, ones that he could hear muffled through Neku's headphones sometimes. He could see the way Neku would tap his feet to the beat sometimes, would nod his head a bit, lost in the music.

Joshua saw Neku when he saw other teenagers walking around. He wondered if Neku still walked the long way home from school to pass by the mural everyday.

Joshua saw Neku when he looked at people. These people Neku had come to reach out to, these people Neku had hated so much but now used to push his own boundaries.

Joshua saw Neku when he looked at Shibuya. The city Neku had thought as confining and empty, but now thought of as wide and vibrant. Bright and amazing, just like Neku.

And of course, there was that time Joshua had actually _seen_ Neku, that time a couple of weeks after the Game had ended. Joshua had been at WildKat, waiting for Mr. H, and naturally with him out the shop was closed. So Joshua had been surprised when he heard someone trying to rattle open the locked door, his surprise only increasing when it was Neku there.

Naturally though, Neku could not see him in the UG. After a few moments of trying with the door, Neku sighed, yet he didn't leave.

For whatever reason Joshua found his footsteps moving toward the door, until he was standing right in front of it. If there wasn't a plane of existence as well as a plane of glass in between them, he and Neku would have only been a few inches apart.

Neku's raised an arm a bit, palm pressing a little on the cool glass. And Joshua lifted his hand, too, lightly resting his palm opposite of Neku's. The warmth of Neku's hand could be felt through the thin layer between them.

Neku blinked; his eyes focusing on the mist that was spreading on the glass not just on his side, but the opposing one, too. After a moment he looked down at the door handle, then took hold of it with his free hand and again twisted and pulled at it futilely.

Joshua's eyes lowered to the the lock. His other hand reluctantly came up to it, the turn in between his thumb and the rest of his fingers. All he had to do was twist it open, and then…

He bit his lip, took a step back and vanished back to the Dead God's Pad.

It was a few days after that which was the deadline he had been given from the Higher Plane to organize the UG enough to start a new Game. And if Joshua didn't have a Conductor as well as a new Game Master appointed by then, then the Angels would pick them for him. Which was fine. He didn't care. What did it matter? And so the day before the deadline, when he was laying on a couch in the Dead God's Pad with Mr. H sitting on the opposing one and had asked him if he was really sure about not picking the arrangements himself, Joshua only shrugged.

"It's not as if there's any truly capable officers anymore anyway. They were all erased in the last Game," Joshua said after a moment of staring up at the ceiling.

"That's true, but you know, J, if you leave it up the Angels, they may very well just set you up to fail," Mr. H said, leaning forward with arms on his thighs. "The folks upstairs don't let things go easy, and they weren't too pleased with what you did. And a Game going bad would be a perfect excuse to set some kind of real punishment."

"I'm aware. And I assure you, no matter what kind of reapers they pick, I'll make sure it goes smoothly."

"Well, alright," Mr. H replied, standing up with a small sigh. "Let me know if I can do anything."

"Have somewhere to be?" Joshua asked, eyes following his movements.

"It's CAT-related." Mr. H then walked over toward the exit. "Listen, J."

"Hm?" Joshua sat up a bit, gaze finding the other's back.

Mr. H turned a bit, eyes meeting with Joshua's. "You're never going to be able to forget. And you can continue doing what you're doing, or you can try and let the kid in. He doesn't just wait at Hachiko everyday for no reason. And I don't think it's to tell you he hates your guts." He sighed, looking back forward and then toward the ground, and when he spoke again, his voice was just a bit quieter. "I like to think that, with time, every sin can be forgiven."

There was a silence.

"I think that you'd best be off, or be late for whatever you need to do."

A weak chuckle. "Yeah. See you in a bit." And in a small flash of light, he was gone.

Joshua let his head fall back onto the couch, eyes staring at the ceiling again.

He sighed heavily.

After a few minutes or maybe thirty, Joshua sat up and slid off the couch. In a way he was grateful that a new game was going to be going on; it was something that would take his mind off Neku, anyway. Probably. The Game Neku had hated so very much. The Game he had thought of as so twisted, so terrible, the Game Joshua ran and designed and perpetuated.

Joshua passed through the unseen door and into the Trail of the Judged, the bright colors of Mr. H's work seeming to jump out of the walls. It had been a while since Joshua had been here - in fact, the last he had been here was at the end of the last Game - but he was going to have to come here tomorrow when the Game began, so may as well get the slap to the face now and try to shake the feeling of uneasiness in his stomach that surfaced whenever he thought about it. It was stupid, really, how whenever he thought about that room or the end of that Game he could still see Neku shaking, still see the tears falling onto the ground, still hear Neku's voice cracking. And it was stupid how that made Joshua feel so absolutely sick, made his chest feel like it was being crushed by an enormous weight.

Stepping into the Room of Reckoning brought with it the usual mix of silence, cacophony, and melodies. Of course, to anyone but Joshua, the room was dead silent, and if Joshua concentrated enough he was sometimes able to shut out the noises; but most of the time he could hear it, he could hear it all, the thoughts and voices and music that made up Shibuya. After all, this was the very center, where it all connected. Until recently when he came here the sounds all seemed to clash together in a blaring cacophony, loud and toxic and chaotic. But as of late, the music was stronger; it all seemed to blend together not into a shambled, distorted mess, but into a harmonious blending of notes into a single melody, like a kind of song only Shibuya could sing. And Joshua could hear that same song as he stepped into the room now, although it seemed somehow far off and distant.

Joshua stopped in his pace as he reached the middle of the room, his eyes falling to the floor as it suddenly changed from the natural gray color into a dark, faded red. Joshua's fingers curled into his palms.

Neku hadn't had time to bleed that much before Joshua revived him, but what he had was now stained into the floor here, another constant reminder, another thing that would never go away, and for the thousandth time since it had happened Joshua saw Neku shaking, saw the tears sliding down his face, heard him saw his name -

"Joshua."

Joshua spun around, heart stopping as his eyes met with Neku's.

"Neku - how -"

"I asked Mr. H," Neku said, taking a half-step forward. "I asked him to bring me to the UG, to the River. I've… been bothering him about it for a while now, so… don't get mad at him."

Joshua said nothing. His heart was beating a million times a second, drumming loudly against his chest, the cacophony of Shibuya was growing louder than the melody and Neku was just standing here and Joshua had no idea what to do. "Go away."

"I came here because I wanted to see you," Neku continued, ignoring Joshua's words and taking another half-step toward him. "I've wanted to see you since the Game ended."

"I said go away." Joshua took a step back.

"I've waited for you at Hachiko, but you never showed up, so I thought this was the only way." Another step forward.

"Neku, _go away," _Joshua said. He found this feet locked in place, feeling as if he took one more step back he'd fall over.

"Joshua, listen to me." Neku took another step forward, so that only a few remained between him and Joshua. "Since the Game ended I - I've thought about you. A lot. Things - remind me of you. All the time. And… I -"

_"Neku." _Joshua raised his voice a bit as he started to tremble, the turmoil of cacophony growing ever louder, a wall of noise that was increasing to a blaring volume, the room starting to shake a bit with it.

And then it fell into a complete silence as Neku took another step forward, closing the distance between them and throwing his arms around Joshua. "I miss you. I miss you so much, dammit."

Joshua froze, heart stopping. "...Huh?"

Neku's arms drew tighter around him, warm and secure. Joshua felt like he might melt. "I miss you. I needed to tell you that. And… I needed to tell you that I know I can forgive you."

Again it was silent. Joshua said nothing, mind spinning and frozen all at once.

After what may have been minutes or hours, Neku's hold finally loosened a bit, and hands started to slip off, but stopped as Joshua's hands slowly and tentatively moved up Neku's back. "...I… missed you too."

Neku pulled his head back, hands slipping down Joshua's arms and his forehead brushing against his. "Well… why don't we go somewhere together?"

"...Alright," Joshua replied softly, hands sliding down Neku's back until they were met with his, Neku quickly taking hold of them. "Lead the way, partner."

Neku beamed at him, and Joshua gave him a soft, genuine smile, and as they left the room hand-in-hand, Joshua could hear the melody flowing behind them, harmonious and beautiful.


End file.
